


Lights On Tour

by HBossWrites



Series: For The Love of Haunted Houses [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AU, Family Fluff, Gen, Halloween, Haunted House, M/M, Superhero Security Guards, scared kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 10:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12555200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HBossWrites/pseuds/HBossWrites
Summary: York loves haunted houses. He always had, ever since he was five and his parents took him to his first one and he screamed and cried the entire way through the attraction. So when he saw heard about the local haunt he knew he had to take his kids.Or: York is pushy, North is not so enthusiastic, Theta is scared of monsters, Delta attacks a zombie, and Captain America (or the security guard wearing the costume) saves Halloween.





	Lights On Tour

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little pre-Halloween fluff.

York loves haunted houses. Like, legit loves them. He always had, ever since he was five and his parents took him to his first one (Fractured Fairy Tales) and he screamed and cried the entire way through. It was terrifying, but it was also one of the most salient memories he had of his childhood.

He’d met his first long term girlfriend in the high school haunted house, met the man who he eventually married while working for a professional freelance haunt company, and even proposed in a room decorated like a decaying restaurant while working a haunted house.

North hadn’t been impressed with that one, but he had smiled indulgently at his then boyfriend and said yes, which was all that mattered in the end. They’d gotten married, moved to a new town, adopted two sons, and York had been itching to share his love of Halloween and all things creepy with his family.

So when heard the ad on the radio for the local Spookhouse, York knew he had to take them. It didn’t matter that it was being run by the local theatre troupes, and probably was going to be lame, it would be a starting point to share his love for haunts and frights with the people he loved.

“I don’t know, York. Theta’s still really skittish. Do we want to make him walk through a haunted house?”

“It’s not like they’re going to actually hurt him. This might be the way to teach him that monsters aren’t real.”

“Or it’s a way to traumatize him for life.”

York managed to wear North down. Both men had been involved in the scare industry years back, and even though North was less enthusiastic about it, he did love a good scare. So on Saturday the 28th, they put the boys in costume, packed them into the car and headed to the local haunt.

The building was grey and surrounded by cars. There were zombies wandering the parking lot scaring people as they made their way to the building. York couldn’t stop the giddy grin on his face. This was promising.

North helped Theta out of his car seat while Delta brushed out his Wonder Woman costume and straightened his tiara. He’d insisted that the costume match the movie, and settled for nothing less than a metal replica tiara and hard plastic wrist guards that had been painted to look realistic. He was ridiculously meticulous for a six-year-old.

At three, Theta was far more willing to wear costumes that his parents chose, and accepted the ninja turtle costume without fuss.

A zombie approached the car just as Theta was on the ground. The zombie growled and swiped at the air. His makeup was good, he looked like he’d had a knife shoved into his gut and his throat cut, which was more than York would have gone with for someone walking around outside, but he wasn’t running the place.

Then Theta let out a high pitched scream.

The zombie zeroed in on the little boy and started shuffling towards him. North’s eyes narrowed and he got in between the zombie and Theta.

“Alright now, back up, he’s too little for you to be going after him.”

The zombie grinned and made even more growling noises. He moved slightly to the side and got lower to the ground, like he thought he was going to be able to get around North to get to Theta. Theta’s scream became even more high pitched and the poor kid started crying on top of it.

“I said back off. I won’t ask nicely again.”

The zombie looked like he was about to try going after Theta anyway when Delta barreled into his legs and sent him crashing to the ground.

“OW!! What the fuck?!”

A high-pitched whistle cut through the air and the zombie froze.

York realized that everyone outside had frozen and was looking at them except for a man wearing a Captain America costume with the mask shoved up over his face, who was moving toward them at a fast pace. Delta scrambled next to Theta and wrapped his arms protectively around the still screaming child.

“FELIX! INSIDE!”

The zombie stood up and dusted himself off. He looked legitimately pissed off, and if York and North weren’t both fully capable of taking the man down, they might have been intimidated by the expression on the man’s face.

Theta would probably have nightmares about that alone.

“Oh, come on Washington, it’s not a big deal.”

Captain America, who York only just realized must have been the security guard for the haunt, stepped right into the zombie’s face and pointed at the door.

“You can get inside or I can escort you off the property and ban you from the Spookhouse, is that what you want?”

“Asshole,” Felix muttered but he did go directly into the building without scaring or bothering anyone else.

The security guard watched the man walk until he was sure that Felix didn’t intend on changing his path or coming right back out of the building. Once they were clear, the other zombies picked up the routine, and York could see that they at least were keeping their distance and not going after any other children in the parking lot. The guard smiled at them, blond, freckled, with dimples and laugh lines, and gave them a once over.

“Hey there, is everything ok? No one got hurt, right?”

North surged up to meet the man, and towered over him by at least a foot.

“No, we’re fine. I think my son may have scrapped up your actor though.”

The security guard gave a sharp smile at that and gave Delta a nod of recognition.

“It will be a lesson to him to back off when he’s told to and to not go after kids. I am so sorry about that, by the way. Our actors know better than to behave that way.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry about the scene, we’ll just leave.”

York couldn’t help the disappointment in his voice at that. He knew Theta had been freaked, but Theta and Delta were both fine, and they hadn’t done this with the kids _ever_.

“North!”

North crossed his arms and stared down his clearly disappointed husband.

“Miles, we have long passed the point where tonight was any kind of fun. I’m angry, you’re angry, and the kids are terrified. This was clearly not a good idea. Lets just go home.”

The guard took in the two terrified children, and squatted down onto their level with a bright smile. North didn’t let up on his frown, his protective instincts had flared up and he was not in the mood to deal with anyone who might upset the boys. York was less on edge with this one, he seemed like someone who’d been doing this for a while.

“Hi there, I’m David. You two had a scare before you even got in the haunted house, huh?”

Theta scrambled to put North between himself and the security guard, but Delta stood his ground with an unhappy frown, crossed his arms, planted his feet and glared. The little boy looked a heck of a lot like North when he’d had a scare. It would be adorable if it wasn’t caused by fear. York sighed and rubbed his good eye.

“One of your guys thought it would be funny to go after us, after we told him to back off because he was seriously freaking our kids.”

“Well, that’s not ok. Haunted houses are supposed to be fun.”

Theta stomped his foot behind North but stayed behind him. York didn’t blame the kid. When he was scared or upset, there was no safer place in the world than behind North’s intimidating glare.

“No! Scary!”

The guard laughed gently, more like he was agreeing than making fun or being amused, and nodded amicably.

“That too. Tell you what, you two, would you like me to walk you inside? That way you won’t have to see that guy on the way in.”

North shook his head.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, the boys are really scared.”

Delta huffed and stomped his foot and York rolled his eyes. Both of his boys were foot stompers too, something they had, unfortunately, gotten from him. It always embarrassed him a little to see the indignant and childish habits he’d accidentally managed to pass on.

“I am _not_ scared, I am _angry._ He was a _mean zombie_.”

Theta’s voice trembled as he clung to North.

“No more monsters, please.”

York’s expression morphed into one of pained sadness. This was not the kind of night he’d intended. North was right, Theta and probably Delta too, were both too little to be going through the haunted house. He’d probably traumatized the both of them because he couldn’t be patient and wait until they were old enough to appreciate it.

“Shit, I am so sorry T, I really screwed up this one. I just…we always did the haunted houses when I was a kid and I loved them.”

The guard leaned to the side a bit to get a better look at Theta, but something about the way he was squatting instead of lunging while wearing a hero costume must have made a difference, because Theta actually smiled a little back.

“What’s your name?”

“Theta.”

“And yours?”

“Delta. Do you know who I am dressed as?”

“Of course I do! That is a great Wonder Woman costume!”

Delta gave York the side eye and rubbed the underside of his nose in embarrassment.

“The tiara is metal, not cloth like the stupid costumes. Daddy doesn’t like it because it’s a girl’s costume.”

York waved a hand at that, as if to dismiss the comment. Sure he hadn’t been _excited_ about Delta dressing as Wonder Woman, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t supportive of the idea. Delta rocked the costume, even without the long hair, and he’d already mentioned how brave he felt when he was dressed up.

North and York had agreed that Delta feeling brave and good about himself was far more important than enforcing any outdated gender roles they didn’t believe in anyway.

“I never said that, I just didn’t realize you liked Wonder Woman enough to dress up like her.”

“I bet you’d like Junior. He’s inside the building, dressed up like Spider-Gwen.”

Theta shook his head.

“No more monsters!”

The guard looked at Theta with a sad frown but nodded.

“I know he was mean, and that wasn’t ok. He’s not supposed to do stuff like that.”

David met North’s eyes with a gentle, supportive smile. Honestly, York thought the man was too cute for his own good, and judging by the twinkle in North’s eye, he thought so as well.

“I know you’ve said you don’t want to go through the actual haunt, but there’s a thing we do for kids who get scared. We turn on the lights and have all of the actors leave the haunt and go on break, and I can walk through the building with the four of you. You won’t get the full effect of the scares, but it’s a good way to take them through the haunted house and show them it’s not all that bad.”

North cocked his head to the side and actually thought about it for a moment, which York honestly didn’t expect. He’d thought North would have them all in the car and gone by now.

“That’s not against the rules or anything?”

David shook his head and straightened out of the squat he’d been in. The man’s legs must have finally gotten tired.

“Nope. We do this at least once every year. It’s not an issue, it gives the actors a chance to take a short break, and it helps with the kids that are really scared to know that they are actually safe.”

North squatted down this time, and Theta climbed into his papa’s arms.

“Would that be ok, Theta? There wouldn’t be any monsters, just us and David here.”

Theta stared at David for a moment, face scrunched in contemplation. It was more than York expected, since Theta had been so upset before.

“Really no monsters?”

David nodded solemnly.

“Really no monsters.”

“And Captain America will keep us safe? Promise?”

David smiled sweetly, like he’d just been given the best compliment ever, and York’s heart melted.

“Cross my heart. My job is to keep you safe.”

Theta looked at David, then York, then David again, then Delta, David then North. His voice was meek, but serious.

“Ok.”

“What about you, Delta?”

Delta marched right up to David and met the man’s eyes.

“I am not afraid.”

York and North shared a look of amusement.

“Awesome. I’m just going to let them know to clear the haunt for a bit, and then I’ll take you in.”

Wash pulled out a walkie talkie from his belt.

“Kimball, we have four incoming for a lights up tour. Over.”

A woman’s voice crackled on the other end.

“I read you, Wash. Go to the line, I’ll let you know when clear the floor. Over.”

“And tell Felix he’s fired from the haunt. He’s being aggressive with the patrons, and I’m not happy. Over.”

David tucked the walkie talkie away and led the way to the entrance of the haunted house. The sign above the door said ‘Hollywood Horrors: The Sequel’. York liked it.

“This year,” David said with a smile, “the Spookhouse is all about scary movies.”

York grinned.

“Nice.”

They stood for a few moments at the door, and a line of people started to form behind them. The door creaked open and a woman wearing a Captain Marvel costume opened the door.

“Hi there, you must be for the lights on tour?”

David grinned.

“Yes ma’am. Four, plus me.”

“The floor is cleared, the music is off, and the lights are on.”

She stepped out of the way and let the group in before closing the door behind them.

“I’m going to make sure the exit stays clear of anyone in costume or makeup.”

“Thanks.”

David led them to a little door.

“This is the entrance, the door is kind of creaky, but there’s nothing in here that will hurt you and nothing to make loud noises. I’ll walk in front just in case, but we shouldn’t have any trouble.”

North held Theta in his arms as they walked, the little boy’s face was tucked into his shoulder. Delta, despite his protests of not being afraid, clung to York’s hand fiercely and trembled slightly. Still, both boys were willing, and York suddenly realized that he probably wasn’t as ok with haunted houses when he was five as he remembered. This had to be terrifying for someone who was still learning the difference between fantasy and reality.

“First stop, the spooky cemetery.”

York would have rolled his eyes at the cheesiness of the whole thing if Delta hadn’t sounded so nervous as he pointed at the headstones lining the hallway, face scrunched in distress.

“Those are for dead people.”

Theta let out a whimper, but David just leaned over and picked a headstone up. He didn’t hand it to Delta, but he held it so that the little boy could get a very clear look at a damaged spot where the foam was clearly exposed.

“They’re made of foam. We cut them out and paint some of them, but this one came from Wal-Mart. See? It’s fake.”

Theta managed to pull his head out of the crook of North’s neck to look at the headstone Wash held up.

“Fake?”

“Fake.”

Delta leaned forward and looked at the headstone with a skeptical expression.

“It doesn’t look very good.”

York sighed, well used to his son’s bluntness.

“Delta.”

David laughed a little and nodded to Delta.

“It doesn’t really look great in the light, but when it’s dark in here and the fog machine is going, it can be pretty scary. You also don’t get to just pick them up normally.”

They stopped in the Pet Cemetery, and David showed them that the skeleton hands were all plastic. They stopped by the well from The Ring and David showed them that it was actually very short and empty except for a bottle of water. The poltergeist had a fuzzy tv and a creepy ghost head that was also foam, The Conjuring just had a creepy painting.

As they went to each room, David made sure to point out something that was silly or not at all scary in the light. By the end Delta and Theta were, while not exactly enthusiastic, at least smiling and pointing at things in the room for David to show them.

North caught York’s eye and smiled, clearly much happier than before they’d come in. This was what York had hoped for, his kids were having fun and his husband wasn’t unhappy.

“Ok, this last room is kind of gross looking, so if you don’t want to look, that’s ok. It’s all fake, but it’s pretty icky.”

Theta buried his face into North’s neck but Delta looked around at the fake body parts and plastic buckets with fake blood in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre room. David was right, the room was pretty gross. There was even a wooden block on the wall that said ‘My First Mask’ overtop with a mask mounted to it.

“Eww.”

“Yeah, like I said, icky. But here’s the exit!”

David pushed back the black tarp, and there was the outside where several people in superhero costumes all stood around and clapped. Captain Marvel took out a microphone.

“Alright, everyone, we’re clear for the lights out tour, please get back into position.”

“We made it! Now, I think someone around here has the bucket of candy, if you boys want to take a piece.”

North lowered Theta to the ground so Theta could cling to Delta long enough to get some candy from a boy wearing a black and white Spider-Man costume with pink accents. Probably the Spider-Gwen costume David mentioned earlier.

York clapped David on the arm with a smile.

“Thank you for doing this. Normal or not, it’s above and beyond.”

David flushed red, which made his insane freckles stand out. York bit the inside of his cheek to keep from commenting on how adorable the man was.

“It’s not a problem. I actually really like doing the lights on tours for kids. When I was little I was forced to walk a haunted house that was way too scary and it traumatized me for years.”

North nodded and watched Theta and Delta talk to the boy with the candy. They both seemed fine and the other boy was very enthusiastic, so neither men worried too much.

“Yeah, I think Theta probably needs a few years still.”

“Well,” David turned to face North completely, “If you decide to try again, we will have a kids show tomorrow from eleven to three. The lights stay on, there’s music but it’s all kid friendly, and all the actors are children. The kids are really good at not going over the top, usually they just sit in the space, and we don’t do any of the drop windows or anything like that. They can also get a superhero guide if they’re still scared to go through.”

York’s eyes lit up at the prospect and he grinned at North.

“Oh, oh, can we?”

North huffed a laugh and shook his head.

“We’ll ask the boys what they think.”

They collected the kids, said their goodbyes to Spider-Gwen, and bundled into the car.

Despite the hiccups, York considered the outing a success.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I am assisting with a haunted house right now and the lights on tour is something we actually do for little ones who get really scared. Some parents think it's funny to drag their toddlers or five year olds through the normal haunt, not realizing how traumatic that can be for the kid. Also, haunted houses should be fun. If they're not, someone is doing something wrong.
> 
> If you liked it, please let me know, every comment means a lot to me and lets me know that what I'm doing is worth the effort.
> 
> This was typed with a significant lack of sleep and a desperation to not be freaked out of confronted with nightmares all night, so if it's not entirely coherent or if there are mistakes throughout, I do apologize.


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